No Turning Back Now

As of last night, our plane tickets are officially purchased for Maputo, Mozambique. Paid for by credit card with hopes that donations will come in to pay for it. And when I say “purchased”, I don’t take it lightly. Such a simple word, yet its implications are huge. To me, it means no turning back. It is now set in stone, non-refundable, can’t change my mind no matter what. That is a scary thought. Starting just as a dream, it is now a reality. Adam and I still haven’t even told our employers about us leaving for a month. That will be Monday. What will we tell them? In the natural, it was complete foolishness to purchase our airline tickets before ever having spoken to our employers about the possibility of us even going. Yet in our spirits, we felt that was the order it needed to be done. Our hearts have been set. We are going to Mozambique, no matter what I guess you would say. So now we ask for the Lord’s favor to be upon our jobs. Will we have them when we get back? Or do we simply close those doors in faith that the Lord has another one waiting open for us. Is this immaturity on our part, or simply walking in faith? That may not be answered until we get to look back at all this. See how it unfolds. Then the lesson is learned. Either way, I fully trust in my faithful Father. I trust how I feel He is leading us. Is it not much “safer” to go with Him than against Him? So yes, in the natural, it may look like foolishness, but to us, it is wisdom. Sometimes, you know you’ve reached that place in your life where you just have to leap into the unknown. I guess we’re leaping.

So are we ready? Of course not. We’re unprepared, unexperienced and don’t really have a clue what we’re doing. Yet at the same time, we are fully prepared. Everything we will ever need we already have. “It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.” So then I guess you could say that our bags are already packed in that sense. They’ve been packed. He’s been waiting.

I wonder what it will be like when we’re there. Will we be able to feel the Lord’s presence? Will it be a time of refreshing or a time of warfare? I really have no idea what to expect. I am excited, though. Africa has been on our hearts for quite some time now. We’ve always known that we would go, we just didn’t know when. So now that we both feel a check in our spirits that this is the time, it’s like we want to run out of the gates. We both have such a desire to live in the extreme. We’re so often unsatisfied with the ho-hum of everyday life. Yet my flesh is so weak and I so easily fall into the trap of the “American dream”. I want nice things for my house, my yard to look nice, the newest clothes, a nicer car. Ugh! I must constantly fight it, as we are overwhelmed with it here in the U.S. on a daily basis. It creeps into our souls when we’re not looking.

I need help! I have desires to live abandoned to God, to live simply before Him and to give my life as a living offering to Him. Yet I’m still stuck in my life. The hum-drum. I need help. I need something that will shake me out of my complacency, that will give me new eyes to see my life and the world. I need Africa. It is not a place, it is an experience. It is a heart-change. I am not going to bless Africa, but Africa will be blessing me. More than I can ever repay.



2 responses to “No Turning Back Now

  1. Jen. I am so excited for you and Adam. Africa will indeed
    change your lives forever. It will leave an unforgettable mark
    upon your heart.

  2. I am very proud of you two. I can definitely feel your heart in this post. I agree with you about the battle between flesh & heart! May God be with you and open the doors and funds to make this happen!

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