I wanted to soak in every moment, every blessing at church today. I had to keep reminding myself, “This is the last time you’ll be here before Africa.” I thought about the amazing music, with loud speakers that didn’t allow me to miss a note or a word, how the room was slightly cold, and everyone looked well-fed, healthy and strong. I still found myself dreaming about where I wanted to go for lunch during the last 20 minutes of the sermon. I bet almost everyone in there was probably thinking the same thing. We’ll all eat lunch afterward, and the day after that, and the day after that. Even breakfast and dinner. We don’t ever have to skip a meal here.
But NEXT Sunday… where will I be? What will THAT church look like?
We’ll probably be in some small, little building or room somewhere in Mozambique. Will there even be A/C? Will we get seats, or will we have to stand or sit on the ground? Will we even be able to hear the speaker, or even be able to understand him, for that matter? Will we know any of the songs? Even if we did, they probably won’t be sung in English. The orphans only get bread for breakfast, and I’m not sure how much. What about the rest of the community? I’m sure that most people will be hungry. They’ll be hot, tired, crammed in.
Oh, how I longed to just soak it all up in my seat this morning. The music, the cool fans blowing above me, the freedom to worship without any fear, the comfort of familiar faces. I felt at home. I was at ease.
I know it’s only the calm before the storm. In 6 days, my life will change forever. I will never be the same. As I looked up to Him this morning, I officially let go and gave God permission to wreck me. I knew that He would anyway. There was no way around it. But I think that it’s different when we actually choose to surrender to God and to what He wants to do in our lives. So it’s done. There’s no going back. Life as I know it now, the way I think and how I feel, will never be the same after Africa.
And for what? What is the point? Why go? Why Africa- the shots, the long traveling, the visas, all the money… Surely it’s unto something, right? Surely the Lord wouldn’t send us to a continent half-way around the globe just for a nice vacation, to see a few things and perhaps feel a little better about our lives back at home. So that we could look back in 20 years and say that we went to Africa once. Surely it is more than that! Surely it is unto something bigger, something greater that He wants to birth in and through us!
There is a cause. We go in the name of Love himself, who died upon a tree. He is the living flame of love. He calls us to where He is. We are going to find him, our Jesus. He is there.