Am I really ready?

It’s days like today when I wonder… am I even qualified?

Qualified to be a mom, to bring 2 little children into my home & to raise them. Me, with all my issues, a work-in-progress, delivered and redeemed yet still fully able to slip into the black hole sometimes. That’s me. There are days when I am filled with excitement and anticipation for bringing those children home, fully confident in my ability to parent and love. But today is clouded with my own short-comings.

Thus I wonder, just what kind of a home am I bringing these children into? Here I am trying to “save” them, yet I still need saving myself, in so many areas.

Is it normal to feel this way, I wonder. Will the time ever be right? Will children make things easier or more difficult in our home? If only it were as simple as preparing their rooms: painting the walls, picking out beds, buying books and toys. That I can handle. But it is preparing ME, my husband doing the same, and somehow trying to prepare our marriage as we come together.

What the heck does preparing a marriage look like?! I guess I know the textbook answer to that: praying together, loving one another, spending more time together, talking about different scenarios, better dividing the house-hold chores. That’s all a wonderful plan… in a perfect world.

Let’s get real, though! We live in a fallen world, and we’re imperfect people. Adam and I aren’t just trying to do our best to love each other, but not to kill one another while trying to figure out this thing called “life”. Does anyone ever have it altogether? Or are we simply straggling behind in the marriage marathon? Everyone admits to having problems, but as far as what struggles and what battles, that is generally where you’re left in the dark, wondering if you’re crazy or not.

I know that the Lord is the only one who can fix me. I surely can’t. And sitting before Him is the only way that it will happen. Gazing upon the Perfect One. The One who sees all my weaknesses and fleshly tendencies, and who loves me and calls me beautiful despite them. It is through His power that I am changed. He has been faithful to deliver me before, to give me a new heart and new desires, and He will do it again. And again, and again, and again.

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3 responses to “Am I really ready?

  1. Great thoughts. Even greater was your last paragraph.

    I will tell you this, no matter how much people tell you life will change when you have kids in the house, you can’t prepare totally for it. Getting married shows us some of our selfish sinful self, but having a child showed me WAY more of that. It literally shocked me!

    But it drove me right back to what you were saying in your last paragraph and I see Jesus all the more beautiful and His death, burial, and resurection all the more amazing and hope giving to me a selfish idolotar. And over the 7 months of being a first time parent He has been faithful to empower me to do what I need to do as a dad and to change me.

    Excited for you all and what is coming. God will give you all you need.

    blessings,

    Heath

  2. I can soooo relate.

    And love this: “sitting before Him is the only way that it will happen.”

    Amen.

    Great post.

  3. We are never ready…. that is probably the reality. That lack takes us to Him and that process works the life of God in us. On vended knees we ask for His help, something I myself did not do enough of during parenting years. I felt I could handle it fine. Truth was I didn’t and I think to our families loss. No, stay on your knees, seeing your weaknesses and praying together as husband and wife. The three of you can make it, husband, wife, and the Lord together.

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