… is printed is beautiful, grandiose letters in the center of my kitchen wall. It sounds good, doesn’t it. Quite a bold mission statement for my household coming from the strong, focused woman that I feel I am.
Well, today I realized that statement was a lie.
I have been serving 2 gods. Yes, I serve the Lord. But I also have been serving money. Yes, money. It somehow crept into what I thought was me living for Jesus, me running the race, eyes set focused on the prize. I have bowed my knee along with my emotions, my rational, my reasoning and decision-making, to the slithering snake of money. I must clarify that I do not pray to dollar bills or sing love songs to paychecks, or at least I’m in enough denial to say that I don’t. But I have allowed money and all that it is, the security that it brings me or the fear that it won’t always be there, to rule over me.
With the Christmas season upon me and holiday gift shopping in full force, the issue of money has never been so confrontational as now. Having to spend money that I know I don’t really have. That number won’t seem to get out of my head. The haunting total for our adoption $24,000. Little by little, fee by fee, $3,200 to the adoption agency, $1,000 for our home-study, $830 to U.S. Immigration, … the list goes on and on as each week passes and another check must be written, or should I say charge on the credit card. Perhaps I can just pretend it’s not really happening. That’s not real money anyway, right? That sure would be nice.
And as much as I was wanting and planning on simply ignoring the issue of money that so easily holds me captive, the Lord has another plan for me. Although I may be content with dealing with the chains around me, the Lord, fortunately, is not. Today, He gave me the ability to hear myself, to see myself. The fear that I have regarding money. And in fact, I have been serving two gods. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”– Matthew 6:24
As I stood in front of the mirror, after a long, depressed morning full of worry, frustration and hopelessness regarding our finances, something rose up in me that I can only phrase as “holy attitude”. And yes, I’m officially coining that phrase- holy attitude. (It more likely could have been the Holy SPIRIT.) Either way, the first phrase out of my mouth as I rose up was, “Just who do you serve?”
Is it true? “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”? Or is that simply a nice wall decor, a fluffy thought, something I sing on Sunday mornings? I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit. I am so thankful that the Lord speaks to me. I am so thankful that the Lord, in His love and mercy, will choose specific times to pull back the scales from my eyes and allow me to actually see myself. To see what He sees, my heart.
Just why does He do this? He gives me the opportunity to change.