In this process of waiting on the adoptions of our 2 boys from the D.R. Congo, and let me re-emphasize waiting, I have my good days and I have my bad. Some days, I’m able to think about them & simply be excited about our new arrivals. I can safely allow my heart & thoughts to go there and all is well, God is in control & my confidence rests firmly upon His shoulders.
Today is not one of those days. Today I find my thoughts drifting into frustration, hopelessness, even anger. It’s been 1 year and 1 month now since we’ve begun this journey, and yet another hopeful email to our adoption agency has once again returned to me with the only news of “no news”.
I wonder how much longer we’ll be forced to wait. I wonder how anyone, any family, can ever endure such a process as this. Yet they do. These families who have pressed through these burning coals that quench all of one’s self-determination, sense of control and fairy-tale notions and are now basking in the priceless reward of being home, as a family, with their adopted children, are becoming my new role-models.
Unless you’ve been through an adoption yourself or are very close to ones who have, you cannot imagine the kind of strength required to get through this. I wish it upon no one. I say this not as one having this strength, but only as one who knows someone who does! My only hope is Jesus.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.“- Matthew 11:28-30
I give up. I surrender. I can’t do this on my own. Jesus, I need you.
As I struggle day by day, as I learn how to practically put my trust in the Lord, as I learn to let go, I can’t help but think about not only all the other adopting families who are facing these same struggles right now, but all the ones to come. My desire is that I will endure this pain for a short while, and in time, be able to help others walk down this same road. That all of this would not be in vain. God desires to do a work in me so that I can encourage the same in others.
I long for the orphans of Africa to have mommies and daddies. I think about them all the time. My vision is not just for the 2 children we have coming, but for an entire continent.
My heart is for Africa. God has given me a burden to see the captives set free in that land. I don’t see orphans. I see a strong army of warriors who have yet to meet their deliverer. They have yet to meet their Jesus.
My desire, what my heart cries for, is to go to these children. Yes, to love them, to hug & kiss them, to feed them & keep them safe. But most importantly, to point them towards the only man who can save them. They must see the cross.
Lord, I surrender to your will. If I must endure this pain & discomfort, let it at least bring about the purposes that you have created it to. Help me to see your hand & cooperate with you and not fight against you. May it not be in vain. Oh, may it not be in vain.